Here's the album lyrics ... all of 'em.

Tale of a Reluctant Antichrist

Alarm goes of at 6 a.m.
I put the kettle on again
I shave and bathe and shave again
The shaving it seems never ends.

And neither do the pictures in my mind
If you can call it that
I can’t make a connection
But that happens a lot

It won’t be long before
The fire hits the sea
Father McConnogal
Can you help me please?

There seem to be a lot of gaps
Filled in by things I don’t want to see
Is it real or halucinex?
Is it Armageddon Now?

I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for this
Why they run away
All this death and destruction
But that happens a lot

It won’t be long before
The fire hits the sea
Father McConnogal
Please say it isn’t me

Ooops! / I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me
I’m really skeptical
Apocalyptical
Zoinks! / I’m not sure it wasn’t me
Maybe it’s seasonal
Maybe it’s reasonable

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Kung Fu Robot Ellipses

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a home
Wouldn’t it be nice to take a loan
On a new life in particular, a life with you
Got a confession at your behest
It’s a concession – just one request
I have this thing for Asian porn sci-fi kung fu

You understand you are my love to be
And maybe someday you’ll make love to me
Wait and see, you and me, alone ... with

Kung Fu Robot Titties
That’s all I want to see
Kung Fu Robot Titties
That is my fantasy

Tiny, Shiny, Robot, Titties

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a
home / Wouldn’t it be nice to
take a loan / On a new life in
particular, a life with you
We could be happy as we
could be
Sit on the couch – Japanese
TV
I have a great surprise, this
brand new DVD

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Reno

Down at the park you look so enticing
Sugar cone with chocolate icing
Couple of roses I drop while I’m passing the merry-go-round
You seem not to know of my existence
Soon you will understand persistence
We will be bound together in ways that you never have dreamed

We’ll take long walks on the beach
glasses of white wine just in reach
Sit on a bench - enjoy the stars
then we’ll take our leave

And watch TV / Discovery /
A&E / QVC / History / Comedy
/ NBC / ABE / MTV / Court TV

A drive in the country – can you hear the creek?
I wipe a little dust speck off your cheek
This is the moment I’ve dreamed about - us in the here and the now
You’re going to be with me forever
You and me, alone together
Even the end of the world couldn’t stop this from happening now

We’ll watch TV / Just you and me
Together we / Eternity
We’ll watch TV / No way to flee
We’re bound to be / Eternity

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What More Now?

I can’t let you hurt me like so many times before
That look pierces white hot skewers right into my skull
You sucked out my soul with a plastic straw
You ate my self-respect with a pinot noir
There ain’t nothing left for you to take from me no more

You stole my copy of “Pet Sounds,” from my room

What more can you do to me now?
Try it! Name it! Do it! Now!

You tore out my heart just like that guy in “Temple of Doom”
Smashed my head and splattered dignity all over the room
You Yoko’d my band like I knew you would
You fed on my love just because you could
There ain’t nothing left of me for you to break no more
The one thing that you gave me - made me itch

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Alien Firetruck

Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah

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Bucket of Puppies

I got a bucket of puppies, I bought it for you
To show my ‘preciation for the things that you do
I am the king of debacle, and you are my queen
The keenest queen debacle thing to come on the scene

You are just like my Samantha, my little Jezebel
If I could be your Darren I would follow you to Hell
I’ll take you out to dinner, I’ll take you to the wharf
But soon you know just what this puppy bucket is for

Baby get off the phone ...
‘Cause I’m ready to bone

I got a bucket of puppies, and a bone
Got a bucket of puppies, and a big ol’ bone
I got a bucket of puppies – half a dozen
A bucket of puppies

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Cookie

Gonna go out to the forest
Gonna hang out in the woods
Gonna try to catch a toad
Gonna scoop up some grubs
Gonna pull out a picture of my sweet Marie, and I ...
Think it’s gonna be a great day

Gonna go down to Nevada
Gonna get me a horse
Gonna straddle her saddle
Gonna gamble with Larry
Gonna pull out a pitcher of Pink Chablis, and I ...
Think it’s gonna be a great day

Cookie rhymes with nookie
Nookie rhymes with cookie
Cookie rhymes with nookie

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Finger Lickin' Good

I got no reason to lie
And I don’t gotta say why
I’m here / I got a bad case of attitudin’ dude
And if you think I’m jokin’
just stop smokin’ and smile

I wanna step back / look up / jump down / turn round / talk mo / eat no / no show / too low
Top of the line / Somebody gu wa so excitin’
When you go out on a limb with me wanna be doodle lee oodle lee gonna be diddly doh

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Penis Euphemism Song

Summertime in the city
Everyone’s having lots of fun
Barbecue in the back yard
Try to stay out of the sun

All of the girls are looking pretty
Red, white or black is their hair
All of the guys in shorts and goatees
Tattoos on everyone – most everywhere

I want my earring back
I want my nose ring back
I want my tongue post back
I want my ... watch

Summertime in the City
She got drunk and left me again
I think she wants to go with the drummer
I think she wants to go with Tobey Maguire

I woke up this morning in a kitchen
I don’t know the what, why or where
I seem to be missing lots of personal things
I seem to me missing my ... Oh my god!

I want my earring back
I want my nose ring back
I want my tongue post back
I want my ... Penny loafers

I want my ...
Dick Tracy was the best detective ever
John Thomas to the principal’s office
Chubby Checker was not blind
Peter, Paul and Mary never had their Johnson pierced

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Picnic of the Insane

You seem to think you’re the center of everything
Everything special evolves around you
But if that’s the case then you too get the rest of it
Garbage and squalor is part of it too

You don’t see the wave as it laps at your footsteps
It’s gorged with the crap you don’t want to profess
The tide’s going out and she’s taking you with her
You don’t want the gift that you think you possess

Somebody lost all your papers and left you
alone at a picnic run by the insane
Somebody turned on the spotlight - exposed you
to everyone out there - your whole life’s a game

You seem to think you’re creating your destiny
But destiny’s eating you up like the years
You seem to think everybody is listening
But talk as you might it just falls on deaf ears

Somebody fed you a line you believed it
and brushed it all in to your portrait of lies
And you never saw when you lost the connection
the fire just sizzled – it shows through your eyes

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Everything About You Sucks

When I first met you darling there was
Something about you
I couldn’t put my finger on that
Something about you
But now that I’ve known you I know a little
Something about you
And it’s not just something baby, it’s
Everything about you

Everything about you sucks
Everything about you really super sucks
Everything about you sucks
Everything about you super duper sucks

I’ve got nothing to say (that I haven’t said already)
I’ve pretty much said it all (to you)
That one little phrase (I said it already)
That pretty much says it all

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Stand Tall

I wish they made soda cans out of lead
It’s good for the kids
Make the homeless work a bit for their money – pushing that heavy cart around
Vehicle ownership should shift to the honor system – no keys no locks
Then I could drive whatever I liked
Things would be much better

Stand tall and be counted
Let the sun wash over me
Let my heart soar wild and free
From the mountains to the sea

When people cut me of or tailgate I don’t get mad
I pull up next to them and wave and give a long, creepy, crooked smile
They think I’m going to kill them
Sometimes when they really deserve it I throw my beer at them
Lawless bastards

Stand Tall

They make you wait 15 days to get a handgun
But I’m angry now My life philosophy is based on Keanu Reeves
Does that make me shallow?
If I ever shoot someone it’s going to be right in California
I like it here – I want to stay California’s a happy place

Stand Tall

Boredom is the curse of the intelligent
I wish I were a cat – I ate mine
They screwed up my order at the drive-through – that’s ok
If they could afford qualified help it wouldn’t be so cheap!
I’ve been told you can’t kill people who are annoying you —
there’s something wrong with that
I want this to be a better world

Stand Tall (everyone sing along!)

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Love Is

Love is quiet and true
Love ain’t just something you feel
It sounds in not what you say, but do
Love is like a fine wine
Patience, will to be true
And love ain’t something I feel for you

And that’s how it is

I have stepped off the edge
Once and twice and again
Eyes closed and love did not pursue
I won’t do it again
Real love’s too precious to lose
So love ain’t something I want from you

Then again, tomorrow
Then again, today

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