Friday, May 31, 2002

Friday, May 17, 2002

A Bucket of Puppies!
No, it's not news, but it is a short, random mp3, soon available at bucketofpuppies.com
posted by Skeeky at 10:00 PM

Thursday, May 16, 2002

Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones Opens Today
Star Wars Guru George Lucas claims he doesn't care about massive box office or breaking records ... uhh ... right. And those two guys camped out on line at a Seattle theater aren't complete dorkoid losers ....
posted by Skeeky at 8:35 AM

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

Nevada Commemorates History, Sort Of
Congress recently voted to use Nevada's Yucca Mountain for storage of America's vast supplies of toxic nuclear waste. Never mind that the waste will take years to ship there, through heavily populated areas, and that the site can only hold about 60% of existing waste. Noted one proponent, "The site is 90 miles from Las Vegas, and 14 miles from the nearest residence." That's comforting.

Meanwhile, Nevada unveiled its commemorative Mushroom Cloud license plates. What's wrong with this picture?

posted by Skeeky at 10:46 AM

Friday, May 10, 2002

Saddam Hussein Resumes Oil Exports ... and stuff

After a 30 day suspension of oil exports to show solidarity with the Palestinians, Iraq has resumed exporting oil. Apparently, cutting off a whopping 1½ percent of the world’s oil supply didn’t have the effect hoped for. It did, however, cost Iraq billions in lost revenue. Go Team!

For his next move, Hussein is considering emulating his idol by growing his moustache and killing 10 or 11 million of his own people.

Joseph Stalin
posted by Skeeky at 5:06 PM

Thursday, May 09, 2002

Recap of a Happy Month ... NewsLick Will Survive
The long standoff at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem may finally be over today; dozens of people killed in bombings every couple of days; Catholic Church tottering from scores of child molestation charges against priests; mailbox pipe bomber gets captured and doesn’t seem to mind; Florida loses a 5-year-old and doesn’t even know it; other kids go missing; floods and fires destroy and kill.

Rest assured, NewsLick is alive and well, it’s just difficult to find anything funny in this insanity. Stay tuned. Hey, but what’s going to happen with pregnant Rachel on “Friends” tonight? Who freakin’ cares?
posted by Skeeky at 12:44 PM

Tuesday, May 07, 2002

APB Out on Pipe Bomber
CNN.com - FBI seeks student in pipe bomb cases - May 7, 2002
The FBI has issued an all-points bulletin for suspected pipe-bomber John Helder. The 21-year-old college student is suspected of driving a Honda across five mid-western states the last few days planting bombs and anti-government messages in mailboxes, and injuring several people.

While the FBI says he is “armed and dangerous,” prominent psychologists think it may be a simple case of misplaced energy. Says one doctor, “Hey, I was 21 once. Just get that kid a $100 hooker and a 12-pack and we won’t hear from him again.”
posted by Skeeky at 5:18 PM

Thursday, May 02, 2002

Outlaw Bike Gangs, Undies, and Sundries
Outlaw motorcycle gangs are joining together against the Hells Angels in a bloody turf war that could determine which gang will control drug trafficking. A recent battle at Harrah’s Casino, Laughlin, resulted in three dead bikers. You’d think it’s the fifties again, except in PA an 11-year-old girl drew stick figures of two teachers with arrows through their heads, and was suspended for making “terrorist threats.” That's not very fifties, is it?

Meanwhile, at a San Diego high school, the vice-principal made sure the girls were modestly dressed at a school dance by having them lift their skirts to reveal their underwear in front of boys and men.

Oh, and Yasser Arafat’s been let out of his compound after a month-long siege, and is he pissed.
posted by Skeeky at 2:48 PM