Friday, December 28, 2001

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Please, Not My Shoes!
In classic knee-jerk response, as a result of Richard Reid’s failed attempt to ignite explosive sneakers on a trans-Atlantic flight, airports will now be checking passengers’ shoes. Look folks, you don’t need to add an additional screening check every time some jerk tries something new. There’s a reason Reid got caught: It was a stupid idea! Plus, it’s obvious Reid’s not the brightest bulb on the tree. I mean, look at him.

CNN.com - Official: Plastic explosive 'very sophisticated' - December 27, 2001
posted by Skeeky at 11:20 AM

Saturday, December 22, 2001

Happy Holidays from Newslick
The staff of Newslick would like to wish everyone a happy holiday season and an hilarious new year. As for us, staff writer Guillermo MacGuffin will be returning to his homeland of ... well, we're not quite sure. Skeeky and Mrs. Webo, Jr. wanted to journey to the "Land Without Christmas" but there's a war going on there, so they are going to hide out in the vast complex of rental cabins and gift shops of the California mountains while the Americans bombard them with salvos of unwanted Christmas cheer.
posted by Skeeky at 10:01 AM

Friday, December 21, 2001

Baseball is War, and Vice-Versa
In a press conference this morning, President Bush compared the War Against Terrorism to baseball -- and war really is like baseball, except for ... well ... everything.
posted by Skeeky at 12:16 PM

Thursday, December 20, 2001

When Johnny Comes Marching Home . . .
CNN.com - Walker: Prison uprising was 'mistake' - December 20, 2001

John Walker, the American who was found fighting with the Taliban, gave an interview to CNN shortly after his capture that shows he was a little more than the “misguided” young man his parents portrayed. Meanwhile, government officials have not decided what to do with him, or what charges to bring against him. This marks the first occasion in which politicians didn’t know exactly what to do with Johnny Walker.
posted by Skeeky at 10:23 AM

Friday, December 14, 2001

Osama Bin Rotten
That's right, caught on tape showing glee at killing thousands and sending his own men to their deaths. Detractors say the tape is faked. Gimme a freakin' break! "Oh," they say "he wouldn't admit to something like that on tape. It doesn't make sense." Hey, nimrods: He's a madman! Sense gots nothin' to do wit it.
posted by Skeeky at 11:54 AM

Friday, December 07, 2001

Infamy! Infamy! No Escaping That for Me!
Today is the 60th anniversary of the day that will live in infamy. Can't remember why.
posted by Skeeky at 8:53 AM

Thursday, December 06, 2001

You’re a Weenie, Mulla Omar
The Taliban may surrender their Kandahar stronghold beginning Friday. Taliban leaders including Mulla Omar and a guy called “Eddie” have reportedly been guaranteed safety. Last week, Omar was reported to have commanded surviving Taliban troops to stand their ground and be martyrs for the cause, while he simultaneously negotiated his safe passage. It went something like: “OK, you guys stay here and fight. Long live Taliban ... and stuff. I gotta run to the deli for a minute ....”

posted by Skeeky at 9:24 AM

Wednesday, December 05, 2001

Military Tribunals: Scary or Terrifying?
So they can listen almost without limitation to your private conversations. There could be a secret trial, without a right to confront your accuser. You might be sentenced to death without anyone knowing it, by military officers who do not need to prove the charge beyond a reasonable doubt. Goody! Looks like time to move to some place where one can get a fair trial, like Peru or Columbia.
posted by Skeeky at 12:01 PM