Tuesday, August 28, 2001
Gary Condit Poll Revealing
A recent poll reveals that of the nearly 300 million people in the U.S., only about 3,500 care at all about the Gary Condit affair, or his political future. Of those 3,500 people, 3,497 work for news agencies.
Condit: A Valuable Lesson
The poll also reveals what has been learned from the debacle. Near the top of the list: Young girls now know that if they sleep with a married congressman, they are assured the highest degree of publicity and law enforcement effort in the event they later go missing.
posted by Skeeky at 1:32 PM
Monday, August 27, 2001
Bush Report Card
For a guy who has spent nearly half of his presidency on vacation, President Bush sure manages to get things done. Here’s a first semester report card:
Pissing off all of Europe: A+
Striking fear into the hearts and minds of Russia: A
Bringing new tension into US/China relations: B+
Consistently mispronouncing “Nuclear”: A
Destroying the budget surplus: A+
Acting first, thinking of consequences later: A+
He’s like the stable-boy for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
posted by Skeeky at 1:28 PM
Monday, August 20, 2001
Summer Sharks Love Florida Surfers
Six people were bitten this weekend at New Smyrna Beach, Florida. The Beach Patrol said it’s not really a problem, “But we’re still careful to keep a leg up on things.”
Oh the shark has, pretty teeth, dear
and he shows them, pearly white
So don’t surf New Smyrna beach, dear
You may find you’re, one leg light . . . .
Coming soon: New lyrics for “I fall to pieces.”
posted by Skeeky at 12:58 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
A Palm Pilot Poem
Ret wh33i. bu
in wokl by tph8
to d4eam at bewn.
I wrote this with the stylus!
posted by Skeeky at 10:28 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2001
Katholic Karma for Shark Bite Victim?
Ave Maria Thompson, the wife of shark bite victim Krishna Thompson held a press conference yesterday to criticize the alleged inaction of lifeguards at the Bahamas resort where the attack occurred. That’s right, Ave Maria and Krisha. Really. Anyway, Krishna is currently under treatment at Our Lady of Perpetual Panhandling Hospital in Miami. Ave Maria has been seen hanging out at the airport in an orange sheet, mumbling in Latin, anguished with institutionalized guilt.
posted by Skeeky at 4:04 PM
Tuesday, August 07, 2001
Tropical Barry Bummed
Tropical Storm Barry had a setback near Florida, headed northwest, and was downgraded to a tropical depression yesterday. Suffering from low-grade tropical depression, Barry refused to leave Alabama and cried the rest of the afternoon.
posted by Skeeky at 3:08 PM
